Fresh Tweets Summoned From the Bowels of the Bird App (February 22, 2023)

Advertisement
  • 01
    Font - rayne fisher-quann @raynefq Having a boyfriend is so awesome like there's just a guy in ur house whose job it is to know where countries are and what exactly Watergate was 11:44 AM 2/20/23 3.3M Views 82.7K Likes 4,874 Retweets 1,661 Quotes
  • 02
    Product - Hurt CoPain @Saeed DiCaprio someone hacked into my netflix account last month and watched every episode of cocomelon and then left me a note N A new device is using your account A new device signed in to your Netflix account, ed@gmail.com. The details Device Android Phone Location Janub al Batinah, Oman THANKS FOR EVERYTHING 1:53 PM 2/20/23.2M Views . My List YOU New Season 10 106K Likes 5,974 Retweets 189 Quotes LEGEND
  • 03
    Font - Dan Wilbur @DanWilbur I was checking to see if a burrito place near me had good reviews and the photos of the place look dingy and the food looks greasy and they serve it in styrofoam and when I clicked their website I got a 404 error. This is going to be the best food I've ever tasted. 11:38 AM 2/14/23 27.7K Views 734 Likes 26 Retweets 2 Quotes
  • 04
    Font - Marc Andreessen alóz @pmarca By popular demand, my morning routine: * Wake up 3 minutes before my first Zoom meeting. 9:51 PM 2/19/23 1.8M Views . 11.9K Likes 642 Retweets 127 Quotes
  • 05
    Font - ca-dmv-bot California @ca_dmv_bot Automated Customer: MY NAME DMV: OFFENSIVE? (LAST NAME IS GAY) Verdict: ACCEPTED ALT California MR GAY 11:00 PM 2/19/23 648K Views • : https://github.com/rjindael/ca-dmv-bot 18.5K Likes 2,920 Retweets 147 Quotes
  • 06
    Chin - philip lewis @Phil_Lewis_ 2/8/23 The Texas man who allegedly stole two monkeys from the Dallas Zoo said he loves animals and that if released from jail, he'd steal more apnews.com Texas man jailed in Dallas monkey case says he'd do it again 1,129 115 Steven Underwood @blaqueword 5,580 ılı 447K Look. You gotta lie sometimes man 9:45 AM 2/8/23 11.8K Views ↑ ...
  • 07
    Product - Emmy Potter @emmylanepotter Me watching the TOP GUN movies: okay but *who exactly* is "The Enemy"? Maybe you want to clarify that? The TOP GUN movies: They're just, like, not important, like, they don't matter. No, they're just, like, nothing. 10:23 AM 2/20/23 697K Views . 16K Likes 809 Retweets 37 Quotes
  • 08
    Font - Adam Cerious @Browtweaten centaur: I broke my arm doctor: it's okay I can fix it centaur: and my leg doctor: *cocks rifle* 7:52 PM 2/17/23 636K Views . 31K Likes 2,045 Retweets 21 Quotes
  • 09
    Plant - gerald stratford @geraldstratfor3 I allways carry a vanity mirror with me if you come across a flower which is facing. Down put the mirror on your toe and put it under the plantyou can now se the flowers heart withoutbending down cheers 4:22 AM 2/20/23 1.4M Views ... 25.7K Likes 1,877 Retweets 241 Quotes
  • 10
    Font - Rob DenBleyker @RobDenBleyker social media giants: (destroyed or decimated tons of online industries including my own) also social media giants: hey bud can i have $12 4:01 PM 2/19/23 130K Views · 3,460 Likes 429 Retweets 5 Quotes
  • 11
    Font - Jessica Ellis @baddestmamajama Sometimes I think about how my husband told me once there was a girl in high school who would invite him to sit in her car at lunch and put on music that she'd joke was good make out music and he thought she just really enjoyed music. 1:07 AM - 2/17/23 287K Views 6,358 Likes 140 Retweets 64 Quotes
  • 12
    Font - derek guy @dieworkwear thinking about the time i showed my hairdresser the haircut i want and he said "derek, that's the same haircut i give you, that guy is just better looking" 3:04 PM 2/19/23 399K Views 7,092 Likes 310 Retweets 38 Quotes
  • 13
    Font - space catgirl @razorgxrl one time i was texting guy and finally got the courage to tell him i liked him and he just stopped responding completely for like 24 hours. turns out he went out for a snack and ended up being held for questioning overnight by the japanese police 4:48 PM 2/18/23 29.1K Views 914 Likes 26 Retweets 3 Quotes
  • 14
    Font - let's go bjöbby @neruda_bro Still following someone on ig from a previous part of your life who is becoming a real estate agent is a nightmare kinda 7:12 PM 2/16/23 444K Views . . 13K Likes 885 Retweets 116 Quotes
  • 15
    Font - depths of wikipedia @depthsofwiki we need to bring this back WIKIPEDIA Got the morbs Article Talk ZA Got the morbs (1880) is a Victorian era slang or euphemism. The phrase describes a person afflicted with temporary melancholy or sadness. The term was defined in James Redding Ware's 1909 book Passing English of the Victorian Era. Got the morbs (Soc., 1880). Temporary melancholia. Abstract noun coined from adjective morbid. Dictionary definition for "Got the Morbs" (1909) 6:58 PM 2/16/23 5
  • 16
    Product - olivia m. swarthout @olivia_ms obsessed with making etymology charts, here's one showing how suffering, euphoria, and ferret all come from the same root word Ancient Greek phérō to carry, bear Ancient Greek eúphoros easily withstanding literally: "bearing well" English euphoria Proto-Indo-European bhereti to carry, bear Latin fero to carry, bear Latin suffero to offer, hold up, undergo literally: "to carry under" English suffer 2:21 PM 2/16/23 2M Views Latin für a thief: one who carrie
  • 17
    Organism - wint @dril (carefully solving the half age plus seven equation in my head) Ok he deifnitely should not be dating a O year old 1:52 PM 2/17/23 792K Views 16K Likes 808 Retweets 26 Quotes
  • 18
    Jaw - animals going goblin mode @mischiefanimals fat and greedy, my favorite type of animal 2M views Bro fumbled the bag 1:26 PM 2/15/23 5.4M Views 116K Likes 10.2K Retweets 512 Quotes
  • 19
    Font - meredith @dietz_meredith asked my bf how work was today ↑ HA !! ? HA There's something magical about a place you can't leave for 8 hours a day 5 days a week for fear of being homeless 12:15 PM 2/15/23 1.4M Views 91.2K Likes 7,932 Retweets 170 Quotes
  • 20
    Font - Decided to look up the leaderboard of this running thing you can do on the Strava running app and the number one ranked guy is just running around for the same square every single day for about 6 hours 38 km/50 km Mind's 50km for mental health Complete 50km this February, raise money and fight for mental health. rory Kead more... @roryisconfused Feb 1, 2023 to Feb 28, 2023 Distance 50.11 km edgum Circuit Pace Time 6:50/km 5h 42m 14 days left. . 2 3 4 5 6 Redgum Circuit 1:58 PM 2/16/23 1.6
  • 21
    Product - Hurt CoPain @Saeed DiCaprio when my white retail store manager was giving me a tour on my first day and she goes "we aren't that diverse, but there is someone that worked as an informant in the middle east you two can get along" Market Walmart >< 12:03 PM 2/16/23 518K Views 20.7K Likes 536 Retweets 17 Quotes Price Scann Scanner and Home C 22 Air Compress
  • 22
    Font - ren 10 @F41RYTA1L dude my acc got locked and i thought i was gonna lose it forever. this little kid just saved me hi? can you pls do me a favor, this was my old phone number and i forgot to change the number on my twitter account and i can't get into it, it's gonna send a code to your number can you tell me the code please? You have the wrong number I don't know how to do that no i know this is my old number it's gonna send a code pls just tell me what it is so i can change my number on t
  • 23
    Font - Lincoln Michel @TheLincoln Craziest part about "sex scenes are unnecessary" discourse is... what sex scenes? America has the most sexless puritan film and TV out there! People are freaking out about 4 seconds of clothed actors breathing. If they watch like one French movie they're going to disintegrate 8:00 AM 2/14/23 1.4M Views . . 45.7K Likes 3,947 Retweets 466 Quotes
  • 24
    Font - Jenny Nicholson @JennyENicholson Tiktok comment: Is that vase from Target? Reply in the form of a video: Ok you guys I know I look crazy, just ignore that, I don't know what the filter is doing. It's been a long day. So I've been getting a lot of people, um, asking if that vase I showed is from Target. Firstly, 8:32 AM 2/15/23 582K Views 18.1K Likes 756 Retweets 34 Quotes
  • 25
    Product - Dripped Out Trade Unionists @UnionDrip $90,000,000 store rewarded the workers with cupcakes. CUPCAKES. ALT Wedn 590 million in sales and this Target ... 544
  • 26
    Font - F slate @PleaseBeGneiss saw a couple walking into trader joe's and the girl said "wow look at all the pretty flowers" and the guy replied "oh yeah it must be flower season" please pray for him 10:42 PM 2/13/23 802K Views 36.6K Likes 1,590 Retweets 106 Quotes
  • 27
    Font - merritt k @merrittk Men writing fanfic: John was attending Sex University, where all of the students and teachers are horny for sex Women writing fanfic: At Sex University, sex is strictly forbidden. Here is the complete administrative structure of the school 3:16 PM 2/19/23 877K Views 25.1K Likes 1,419 Retweets 136 Quotes 27 merritt k @merrittk. 1d Sex being forbidden at Sex University is good worldbuilding and increases your anticipation for two characters getting together. You can tell
  • 28
    Font - amir @blumenfeld Packing is the best excuse. It takes 9 minutes but you can get out of full nights - and sometimes days of commitments. 10:50 PM 2/20/23-297K Views . 6,910 Likes 196 Retweets 8 Quotes
  • 29
    Font - Celeste Labedz @celestelabedz I've noticed many of my friends are in The Grapefruit Window, which means they're old enough to enjoy eating grapefruit but not yet on medication that prevents them from eating grapefruit. 10:53 AM 2/20/23 296K Views 7,219 Likes 584 Retweets 91 Quotes
  • 30
    Font - james (on hiatus) @jamesholod barista said "your usual?" and i said "yes please!" and he proceeded to make me a beverage i have never ordered in my life 9:41 AM 2/21/23 - 117K Views . 3,651 Likes 54 Retweets 16 Quotes

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article